Crunchy Gravel. Soft Soul.

Next door to my house is an empty lot that was paved to make way for a theater, some crappy teriaki, a nail salon, and possibly a Red Robin. Thanks to the recession only the bare bones of a little road are left over from that bad idea of a project creating the ideal paved place to walk "Eddie" my beagle.

Rolling through each step like the stellar cross country runner I used to be and wondering if I'm going to get cancer from spending so much time under the electrical wires... Did you know that people can actually pilfer electricity from the big wires if they live underneath them? There is something like 40% of electricity is lost in "transition" through the wires into the air. So, illegally, some individuals have created mechanisms or setups to gather the electricity from the air to power their houses.

Waste not want not?

Usually the weather over here has two settings: good hair day and frizz-omatic. During my walk it was thankfully the former even with the warm zephyr bringing in sheets of dark and light clouds alternately causing me to pull my hand into my coat on minute and then unzip my coat the next. Lemme tell you - it was the closest thing to the Eastside that I had felt in a while... minus the cars zipping down the two main streets surrounding the property.

Whamo! Like a mack truck to the brain it hit me. This - today - was God's gift to me.

Recently my relationship with God has seemed more than unusually stale. Not a good kind of stale like cheetos but the kind that makes you avoid whatever you've just ingested for at least a moth afterwards.

Oddly enough God never stopped laying various individuals on my heart to pray for but... just me and Him time was either forced or didn't happen at all.

Disgusted I didn't want to give God my second best so... I waited to feel hungry. Which, I realize now, was the wrong choice.

Pounding out my faults before the almighty God in an abandoned boom-time project now unofficial dog park in my rockin duds a-la-weekend gave me an unreal amount of perspective. Back in Eburg I used to get the same kind of God-time when I went on walks with Kaleb and Jasmine for hours and hours on end up and down the John Wayne trail watching the famous burg wind blow in a storm from miles away in the middle of a field full of famous hay. (Anderson Hay... look it up)

Maybe this is just a note to say that your prayers have worked. The plane began nose-diving towards earth and I begged God to take His pilot's seat back A.S.A.P.!!! Know that I never stopped praying for each of you and that I'm so glad you found this note friend. Until I'm chasing after God with that complete love and trust I'll keep my tennies crunching on stray gravel and waiting on Him.

My Work is Crap

When your first reaction is, "No it's not!", "You're a great talent!", or "What???" or something else fluffy/meant to stroke my ego/probably b.s. in the large scheme of things.... it is possible that you should take a long hard look at the way our culture has conditioned you to respond to my statement.

Maybe the response should be "Why do you say that?" or "How do you measure what is crap and what is inspired/creative?"

In this manner I now have a creative partner. We can bounce ideas off one another and delve into different solutions that I would not have found possible within my own brain.

Truly, agreeing with my primary statement IN LOVE can also give you the opportunity to assure me that I have only just begun and that, like many other unsatisfied artists, my truly great works will be visible only at the end of my life.

Lately many individuals have been asking me what I think about various personal creations. Creations which seem to me to be the compilation of one sitting and not really a work of many agonizing days of passion. Now, while paring down a poem, salvaging a story, or modifying musical mayhem I am struck by this generation's definition of "done."

How long do you think it took Leonardo da Vinci? Robert Frost? Tolstoy? Etc?

Many times individuals, myself included, have fascinating ideas! We want others to get on board and to tell us what a wonderful idea we have. BUT - I believe that we need a constant healthy dose of skepticism. Someone who says, "That could possibly work. Have you considered...?"

Maybe that's why I love talking with people who do not give me too much (read excessive) encouragement. I'm not talking about naysayers (fun word!) I'm talking about critical and constructive thinkers who will help me deconstruct and reconstruct my idea into something that is marketable and interesting to more individuals than my immediate audience.

To my closest friends: Thank you for telling me certain things needed increased attention. Most of you do not know how many times I've been thankful that you've disliked my outfits, drawings, music, and other various outputs. ;) I'm excited for the growth to come!

- - - KT