Not Perfect: The Low Times

Recently I have been pleased to be able to tell concerned friends and family that I am doing well.

Honestly this has probably been one of the easiest breakups (from a serious relationship) that I've ever heard of/known but I realized that it could appear that I am this great and wonderful person for following God so closely and seeking His face in all of this.

No no no no no.....


Without God I would be a mess right now. The man that I feel head over heels for has told me that we will never EVER date ever again. My feelings for him still run so deeply that without God's grace and compassion I could have easily slipped into depression or anger.

(When I say head over heels I mean literally. I could think of nothing else and would tell anyone who would listen about this amazing guy I had met.)

As I travel down the road of healing and forgiveness (for both him and myself) I know that God definitely has a perfect plan for each of us. My ex said that God was telling him to break up with me and I had felt God asking him to do just that for a while.... an answer to his brother and sister-in-law's prayers for sure.

I don't say that in a mean way. My ex's whole family has been praying for his soul/relationship with God for a while. They had hoped that when we originally broke up (over something really dumb/stupid/mean/me lying) in December that it would bring him to that place with God. A place of complete need with nowhere else to go.

But a week after breaking up I saw significant growth in him! I was jubilant, praising God and experiencing TRUE LOVE and FORGIVENESS from my ex for the first time in our entire relationship. Everyone was a little wary of us getting back together but we really spent all of our time with my family playing hearts, enjoying the new kinect, and in God's Word together.

Perfect! Exactly what my heart had craved in a spiritual leader and best friend!

But, not so surprisingly, we both had TONS to work through. Falling back into patterns of spending every waking moment with each other (decreased from before but still incredibly significant) and spending less time pursuing God made it all to easy to return to positions of hurt and mistrust.

Does this mean that I didn't love him? HECK NO! I love that man SO MUCH and have continually been praying for his life, his future, and his family.

BUT - - -BUT - - - God needs us both alone. Focused entirely on HIM not each other. Diving into His word and building a solid foundational relationship with his son Jesus Christ for the rest of our lives. God WILL HEAL us. When? Dunno. Will we ever date again? *Shrug.*

Obviously it will take a while to detach myself from the only person I've ever loved. I believe that God had me in that relationship for a reason and that God will continue to change my heart into the graceful heart of a woman sold out for my LORD and SAVIOR Jesus Christ.

Pray for me, for my ex, for the friends and family that are speaking into our lives right now, and for the body of Christ. God has such a huge calling on our lives. He is equipping us right now for the work He is going to do through us BY HIS POWER and FOR HIS GLORY.

;) Don't worry about me. God has totally got me in a spiritual incubator right now. I am able to take my thoughts captive most times and not let my brain run around with my emotions. PLUS - God has given me the support of my entire family and a consistent flow of scripture and perspective from random sources that seem to surround me daily.

Thanks friends - Kate